Right up there in extreme joys of life with such memorable events as getting a root canal or a hemorrhoid operation (or both at the same time) is calling tech support at a computer hardware or software company! If you someday have been feeling entirely too good and want to slosh around in some masochistic behavior, just call your software company and get ready for a floodgate of fuming and fussing.

OK, so I had to blow off some steam. With the Windows 98 upgrade available many people have decided to go ahead and serve as target practice dummies in Kosovo rather than upgrade. Seriously, the upgrade to Win98 can be rough for some. However, this is not to pick on Microsoft or any specific software company. Rather it is to address the continued needless frustration with upgrades. The key word is needless. We shouldn’t have to go through all this hassle.

Here’s how it works. You hear about the new version coming to XYZ software. It sounds interesting. You hear more advertising. It sounds even better. Eventually they hit a hot button with you (they do research on these things, you know) and you convince yourself to upgrade when it comes out.

Then the thing is delayed. OK, you think, better to delay it and get it right than give us something that doesn’t work.

Then it is delayed again! Aargh! When are they going to come out with that wonderful gizmo and make my life so enchanting and wonderful?

Finally you hear that new version 7.835 of XYZ software is at last available. Throngs of genuine geeks, wannabe geeks and closet geeks prance to the software stores (or call the mail order hotlines) like caffeine-starved junkies lining up at their favorite Espresso Shop for a new brand of Latte. You eagerly lay down plastic for that "fix" and giddily head back to the office to install this new, delicious, longed-for silicon nectar.

Then the fun REALLY starts.

When we try loading it on our machine we get brand new error messages that look like something a new Mars explorer rocket would flash back upon discovery of life on the Red Planet. We think that the problem is with us. Hah!

So you courageously attempt another install like a kamikaze fighter heading to his doom. No stopping you, you digital dynamo! Then the system locks up, reformats your hard drive, all backups (on site and off) and deletes every CONFIG.SYS file within the sound of your blood-curdling screams of anguish.

Sound familiar? Then, Sparky, you must have tried upgrading recently!

With the winds of Windows 98 in the air our thoughts turn to the agony of upgrades. I’ve already related some of the frustrations that I went through with it. Others have had no problem upgrading. Load the CD-ROM. Click the right responses and presto! They have a fully upgraded Win98 computer in about 30 minutes to an hour.

Dell computer users had similar problems but their experience has taught the rest of us some lessons. It seems that Dell computers had problems with certain features of Win98. Dell is a great company and produces outstanding computers. However, when a few key elements of Win98 didn’t work on their computers, users had problems. This swamped the support lines at both Dell and Microsoft. Microsoft added features that really are good. However a few key features just didn’t work with certain Dell computers.

Then Dell computer users started using the Internet. They shared information with each other through the on-line support (www.dell.com/support) section. From there they found solutions to common problems posted on the registered-users-only section. Users went around both the hardware and the software manufacturer to come up with solutions. This is what the Internet is all about. People helping people.

Dell was not at fault. Microsoft was not at fault. The problem just existed due to conflicting features. However, the Internet provided a solution for people so that the pains could be minimized.

I feel for the tech support people. I really do. These are people who are largely employed by third party companies. They have to help people figure out how to fix their computer with no visual or hands-on support. All they have to go on is the audio coming from the phone. These people should be nominated for sainthood!

My experience with the tech support people at Microsoft has been consistently outstanding. Not just good. Outstanding. However, they can’t solve all the problems.

Bottom line: Here are some tips to consider when upgrading:

1. It is never like the ad says. Read the advertisements with caution. To be kind, let’s just say that they "embellish" reality a tad bit too much!
2. Allow plenty of time to upgrade. Don’t try to load new software at a time when you have that new project to complete. Wait till you have ample time to correct the problems that will arise (not might arise, WILL arise!).
3. Try it on a sacrificial computer first. Don’t load the new stuff on your mission critical computer. Get one that can loose some data. Try it on your competitor’s computer first. Let them get the crazy error messages.
4. Research the Net. Use Newsgroups and users’ bulletin boards to research what others are experiencing. You’ll find that many people are very gracious and willing to assist.
5. Be kind to the tech support person. Remember they did not write the software. They probably don’t even work for the company who sold you the software. Treat them professionally and don’t make nasty remarks about their ancestry.
6. Be patient. It takes a while to master any new software. Once it is loaded and working (and it eventually does) you will be glad you upgraded.

By following these steps, you can find that upgrading is a bit more pleasant than a root canal at your dentist. However, the expense could be more for the software upgrade.